You may have landed on this page desperately searching for a solution on how to sneak things into a festival. Whispers among friends seem to suggest that the only way to safely 100% get whatever you want past the gates of a music festival is boofing. BOOFING! MOTHAFUCKIN BOOFING Y’ALL.
Let me jump right into it and get everyone caught up on what boofing even is, because believe me when I say it’s not common knowledge or common sense: The act of inserting something into your anus. The reason of insertion can be for consumption of a substance or temporary storage of items to keep them hidden. This is not #fakenews; it’s a real thing. Synonyms include "plugging" and "extreme stupidity." Today, we’re only covering the idea of butt storage.
Here are some reasons to #SayNoToBoofing
B- Because any size worth boofing would hurt.
O- Once it’s in there, you’ve got a looooooooot of walking to do.
O- Obviously waddling through security isn’t the answer.
F- Fuck that shit.
I- Imagine it getting stuck in there O.O
N- No one is interested in whatever magic trick you pulled out of your butt.
G- Getting your stuff back out can only be done in a porta potty and that’s fucking disgusting.
So calm yourself right down, Jimmy Boofit. We have an alternative to boofing. A golden ticket out of that shitty situation. An invincible solution to this dilemma. And don’t you worry, don’t you worry, child - it’s foolproof.
Introducing The Snea-Key Fob - a discrete, easy, and significantly less-stressful way to get your items into the festival of your dreams. No batteries, bold schemes, or boofing required. It's an upgrade on the classic stash bag, stash safe, or stash box product. This diversion safe has gotten past EDC security and is hidden well as a fake key fob.
While I’m blatantly salesing at you, here are some reasons it’s great, mate.
S- Snaps shut to ensure your festival essentials stay hidden. Open with a key, coin, or hands.
N- Never have anxiety going through security checks.
E- Earrings/rings, mini SD cards, and other valuables can stay safe while traveling internationally.
A Snea-Key Fob keeps your goodies out of your goodies.
K- Kash Money can be stored in there for emergencies or in case you lose your wallet.
E- Elaborate plots to hide or sneak your belongings are no longer needed. Just fill and snap!
Y- You will never be harassed by security or be put in time out.
F- Fill it with whatever you want! Whether it’s glitter, a pet ant, or love notes!
O- Obviously security will NEVER get to the point of breaking open real key fobs to find fakes.
B- Bring your Snea-Key Fob wherever a set of innocent car keys can go (hint: it’s everywhere).
So before you bend over to reach for the lube, at least check out our clever product and tell your dingus friends who need it the most. And remember kids, #SayNoToBoofing.
And we couldn't write this article without tipping our hats to Brett Kavanaugh, a righteous man who has taught us the true meaning of boofing. Literally everyone thinks it's about putting stuff up a butt, when really it's just farting. Thanks for clearing that up, Bart.